Ode to Mark Simkin

Weekdays, weekends, at seven on the dot
SBS’s humdrum – finance, weather, sport
Tune in to Aunty more often than not
(A real exciting social life I do not purport)
Ian and Kathy, they don’t rock my boat
Nor pretty wee Tamara in a pinch
Alan doesn’t make my currency float
Sorry Ange Pippos, sport just makes me flinch
The single newsman I hanker to see
Comes onto my screen via satellite link
More than your everyday hack on TV
More than what Aunty bargained for, I think
One simple by-line I cannot refuse
Is “US correspondent, ABC News”

You woo me, Mark Simkin, in your dulcet tones
That reporter’s diction is fine to hear
And though you’re not stationed in war-torn zones
You’re still too far away from home, I fear
Paris’ detainment, Dubya’s latest slip
Scooter Libby’s fall from grace, Rumsfeld’s too
I try my hardest, but can’t get a grip
When your saucy eyebrows are all askew
The old-school part and the wave in your hair
Daringly rakish incline of your head
Microphone in hand, no less than debonair
Glad it’s you, not Lisa Millar instead
Credits start rolling and studio lights dim
Oh, how they toy with my heart on a whim!

Low water levels? Well, that’s not for me
I’d much rather hear your report on Dave Hicks
A slow local news day, I hope it’ll be
Just so I know that I will get my fix
And if you self-Google, and this you find
Recoiling in horror at strange fixation
I hope that you’ll have the presence of mind
Read in it not ‘stalker’ but ‘admiration’
Completely non-creepy, in every which way
(Well, considering circumstances…) In any case,
I’ll understand if your next exposé’s
A cautionary tale of cyberspace
With all that aside, one thing’s left to say:
You can ‘correspond’ with me any day…